TasedBro

Two people were stunned with Tasers at a Valentine’s Day party at Hyde Park, Vermont last week when more than 50 partygoers brought on two noise complaints from less festive, and assumedly more homely neighbors. When six or seven officers responded the second time around, an altercation broke out in which one deputy was knocked to the floor. That’s when the officers broke out the toys.

After being tased four times, partygoer Evan C. Prestone had this account:

“Before I knew it, I was on the ground being tased. All I could feel was myself being tased, vibrating, they tell me to stop resisting, I can hear them tell me stop resisting, but all I can do is shake like this because I am being tased.”

On the ground before he knew it? And vibrating? Desperate cries to stop resisting? Was it just shaking–or perhaps quivering in agonizing pleasure? The lack of story details only encourages one to read between the lines.
Patrick C. Kantlehner, also involved in the struggle, had this to say:

“They threw me to the ground, pushed me in the face, put my hands behind my back like this, and I said ‘Cuff me if you want too, cuff me, cuff me,’ and they kept telling me I was resisting arrest.”

More desperate cries–this time to be restrained and cuffed? All this begs the question: Aside from 1st graders beginning to grasp concepts like humiliation, constant rejection, and a lifetime of inevitable heartbreak one safety-pop at a time, who else is still having Valentine’s Day parties? I think these cops stumbled onto sultry answer–the sexy throbbing mob of Hyde Park, Vermont.

Although this year, so did I, if you count me chasing my girlfriend around the apartment attempting to pull her tampon out–which would be amusing viewed in fast-forward and set to 1960s go-go music. But it was at normal speed and set to the winey meows of her cat. Nobody was amused. Maybe one more safety-pop and I’ll understand romance.

Tags: party, Valentine's Day