TasedBro

In 2006 a couple of Burger King employees thought it would be funny to put marijuana in the burgers of two New Mexico police officers, and earlier this month the courts agreed:

It was hilarious.

(One reporter’s very punny account of the incident: Pot Burger)

After eating the burgers, officer Henry Gabaldon and Mark Laduazo used their keen detection skills to determine something was wrong and called for backup. Field tests proved the bugers were indeed laced with pot, and the cops were rushed to the hospital and put on medical leave. That was probably the proper move, as police officers often have trouble determining if they are STILL ALIVE when they experiment with hard drugs like marijuana–especially when eaten.

Armijo and Nuckols both pleaded guilty to lacing the burgers. Meanwhile, Officer Gabaldon was nearly brought to tears when the duo was put on probation instead of locked away from society. And why not? This veteran of the drug war (who presumably was unable to recognize what pot smells like until he had consumed a large quantity of it) was now victimized:

There was a lot of marijuana on the hamburgers.

As shaken up as Gabaldon was, the tactic is strikingly reminiscent not of plucky young fast food employees, but our own CIA, when the agency secretly dosed citizens and government agents with LSD.

How Could You Stay Mad

I don’t know if I can live in a world where the lovable antics of Armijo and Nuckols go punished by prison time. Look at these guys. According to KRQE 13, the pair blamed each other for the pot burgers, but still admitted to the crime. That’s sounds like classic chemistry ripe for the next pothead-fastfood-summer-comedy movie:

Why so glum, fellas?

Nip it in the Bud

New Mexico police didn’t exactly see it that way, however. But considering the deadly force marijuana is and the the fact that only 1 out of 100 Americans are currently behind bars, it would make sense to push for jail time. According to WLTX:

Isleta Police found nothing funny about the incident.

Well that’s unfortunate, because the judge in the case appeared to have a slightly different opinion. Why? Because the judge was:

Crocs don’t smell any better under a robe.

That’s right, our lovable duo had the unbelievable fortune of having Judge John “Puff the Magic Dragon” Pope presiding over the court. It looks like was shipped in straight from some commune, where he previously presided over an eggplant. The judge wouldn’t mind getting his hands on a couple of those burgers himself, if only he ate meat.

But you’ve got to stand on awe of the system, when the courts end up leaving an officer in near-tears over lack of justice. Like a leftie showing up at a circle-jerk, the judicial branch once again disrupts the balance of power in a way no amount of planning on craigslist could have ever prevented.

And I don’t see a whole lot of effort on Burger King’s part to distance themselves from the situation, which isn’t surprising, considering it’s the same company that came up with this waking nightmare:

In a more recent marketing effort, Burger King has been dealing with the situation with the utmost delicacy by coining a phrase that combines the best of the Burger King experience with the horrors of a bad drug trip. I guess the best PR controls a story:

Source: Answers.com.

That’s right, Whopper Freakout is Burger King’s new website and series of TV Spots depicting actual people freaking out when they are told the whopper is discontinued.

Never hold out on a junkie, I guess.

Tags: potheads